My WorLd...

Epilogue

2012-02-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

When the dust settles and things start to refocus back in our field of vision;
When the tears have been shed and all the emotions spent;
When peace has been made and the 'sorry's said

May we all live happily ever after.

From death you bring life. You always do, You always do.

Light

2012-02-20T21:58:00.002+08:00

So let hope rise and darkness tremble

Sleep and smiles

2012-02-16T16:25:00.002+08:00

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

My God is light, my God is forever.

My God is joy, my God will never change.

I know that there is so much more than this, I know that you will pick me up every time I fall, and I know that there is beauty in the broken.

Restore unto me the joy of my salvation,

And I will lift my voice up in the festal shout,

To sing unto you a new song,

For I have been lifted up,

For I have been lifted up.

You are my miracle maker.

2012-02-14T18:57:00.003+08:00

Please don't do this to me, not now, not now.

Gasping for air.

I'm sorry :(

Lines

2012-02-09T21:28:00.003+08:00

The world is made up of lines.

There are the thick, harsh ones, those drawn with block markers and traced over a few times, hard. There are the inked ones, plainly visible, pressed down firm by the tip of a pen. There are the the grey ones, pencilled in, a little smudged with the end fading off, but still there nevertheless.

And there are the imaginary lines, the lines that are not easily visible, but the lines that we draw in a complex diagram all around ourselves. Some are carefully stencilled in, some hurriedly drawn. But there are a few that are there, getting fainter over the years, occasionally retraced. These are the lines drawn by habit, and sometimes,

grey.

Yet lines are merely deliberate borders. What really exists, are the spaces. Ever heard about reading between the lines? Yeah.

The world is made up of s p a c e s .

3

2012-02-07T21:29:00.001+08:00

and said I'm sorry sorry sorry.

2012-02-06T22:31:00.004+08:00

What happens when we both run out of words to say?

What happens when I no longer feel?

What happens when I no longer want to be around?

Because I am tired.

Because I cannot bring myself to just brush it off any more.

Because it looks like there will come a day where I will tell you

'This is where I leave you.'

You have no idea how much.

Will there be anyone left by the end? How many will I lose like that?

What is real?

I am not real. Not now.

You are

2012-01-24T22:25:00.002+08:00

My refuge and strength,

My help in time of need,

My tower in time of battle.

My first and greatest love,

My comfort and my hope,

My hiding place.

The great unshakeable I AM,

The one who is mighty,

The Lord victorious.

The one who knows it all,

The one who hems me in behind and before,

The one I run to.

For a friend

2012-01-10T20:22:00.005+08:00

May you be strong. I've come to know that you are stronger than you seem. You're right, there are many pretty Christian things to say all the time, but when it comes down to the crunch, who will be left standing? Mere words will not stand its ground. It will not weather a storm.

But the God who speaks will.

I don't even know if encouraged is the word, but you have taught me much. Thank you.

You have fought and won many battles, and even if it feels like there are infinite more to fight, I know you will be able to do it :)

This is it, the last one. All the way till the end.
May you be strong, for your God is strong. Let not your faith falter.

I am proud of you. Haha. Yeah.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:5

Yes I still kinda have more to say. But this will do for now hahaha.

Mystery

2012-01-08T18:27:00.001+08:00

I cannot read you,

All of you.

Beginnings

2012-01-02T11:50:00.002+08:00

Hello 2012, how do you do?

Beginnings always carry with them that sense of excitement, that secret thrill, that hope. We all wonder what the new year will bring, but I just know that

I want to surrender my everything and my all to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

This is how we will begin, and also how we will end.

The deep waters are swirling, and there are precarious ravines to cross. The bridges do not promise to hold, and the light pulses and dances dangerously, threatening to be gone at just a blink of the eye.

But I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on.

How will you begin? :)

Hope

2011-12-26T17:21:00.003+08:00

What if we welcome each other because of our hope for the future instead of the merit of our past?

What if we give of our hearts?

To live with a hope in our hearts; to be that hope because we've been given a hope.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

What do we hope for? How does hope bring us forward?

I think hope is a liberating thing. People dwell in the shackles of the past, of things that could have been, that would have been. They see themselves through the lenses of the things they have done, the person they have been. It's inevitable, isn't it? How else will you see yourself?

These shackles - they hold us. They have a death grip on us.

But that's the thing. What if this hope is something that has overcome death? That means... those shackles... are completely powerless now!

To live not in the shadow of who we've been, but in the glorious hope of who we will be.

To live for this hope of the future.

To be free.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:5

I am alive in this moment.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T19:04:00.001+08:00

For Hope :)

2011-12-05T16:40:00.002+08:00

Snap out of it. Get over yourself and pull yourself out of the darned bog you've entrenched yourself in.

No I am not about to pity you - I think you've gotten enough of that from your own self. But neither am I here to condemn you. I just want you to wake up. Wake up from the horrible dream you are prolonging for yourself.

No you don't need anyone to help you. It's just between you and God. Don't go off into this snivelling slump, and get her to pat you on the back and tell you it'll be okay with both of you together. No it is not okay, and things will never be okay if you don't get it sorted out.

Snap out of it la bro.

Stand up.

2011-12-01T23:16:00.003+08:00

I think there has to be a line between art and reality. Art cannot be reality. It is an exaggeration of reality. There is truth, no doubt, but it is an expression of a culmination of things. No matter what form of art.

If anyone were to experience all the emotions in art in a single life, that person would go mad.

It is not possible. The depth of sorrow, anger, longing, even happiness. It will kill a person.

Be careful, lest you find yourself wallowing in sadness, self-pity, hate, love.... Emotion. It will confuse you, and make you feel like you are but a ghost of a person, because reality will never satisfy. Do not indulge it.

There is a necessary mundaneness in life. That much should be made clear.

In the quest to find meaning you will find the truth: There is no meaning. But this is different for me. For I have found meaning, not in myself, not in this world, because this world is broken, the human condition racked with sadness and sin. But in my Redeemer, the light of my salvation.

Choose then what you will do, what you will think,

How you will live.

I thank God for Hope. It is a light that fills the emptiness, a joy that flows like a river.

Thoughts

2011-12-01T22:33:00.002+08:00

A tendril of thought that extends out of my mind,

Unseen.

Fleeting questions, gone with the moment.

Smoke rings, misty breaths.

I think of things that have been, and things that could be.

We connect in a very different way from what I am accustomed to. Sometimes I don't understand it, because it isn't about thoughts and words. And it has changed a certain part of me, I know.

I think humans are built on order. We order our worlds in different ways, some conventional, some unique - those that we often call an organized mess. There must be order. That's why we seek reasons, that's why we fear the unknown, we fear what we cannot understand, and many prefer to stay a good way from it.

Insanity is thus the lack of order. When there is no logical order, when thoughts colours emotions actions meld and blend and tangles together. It ensnares a person.

Let my thoughts be ordered by Christ.

Miracles

2011-11-18T22:55:00.003+08:00

Fill me and fill me and fill me till I overflow and overflow and overflow.

Let me be a beautiful garden, with the earthiest soil, and the brightest sun. And then let me be a bountiful orchard that bears fruit for you. Miracles that you create in me.

I am a miracle of grace.

Y'know, the whole universe is a miracle (if you would care to see)

God is good

2011-11-13T15:31:00.001+08:00

I am blessed.

Thank you everyone, for everything you have been to me :)

2011-11-10T22:28:00.001+08:00

This is where I leave you

AFTERWORD

2011-11-08T22:53:00.003+08:00

by Lee Jing-Jing Christina

The words snake out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Braiding the ends of sentences

keeping them tied up with a velvet ribbon,
or left loose

to unfurl slowly in the hours after.
Hear the difference between

Shut up, and
Shut up,la.

The last word hiding in it the curve of a smile,
making a blow land light as a kiss.

To love, to live

2011-11-07T14:46:00.002+08:00

I know you're there, right beside me.

Keep me close my everlasting friend. I cannot lose you in myself. Let me lose myself in you.

What does it mean to surrender?

Unity

2011-10-30T15:43:00.002+08:00

There is no conservative, there is no charismatic. There is only the Christian.

Man made tags, man made theology. I say enough.

Why must we fight?

If the body cannot get itself in order, how will the head work through us? How will the world see?

Enough. Enough.

Stop fighting.

2011-10-27T23:08:00.001+08:00

In the search for truth and knowledge, for answers, you will end up only finding him.

Reignite the seekers heart.

2011-10-25T18:20:00.001+08:00

Lord, I am weak but you are strong. You know I cannot do this by my own strength.

You know.

2011-10-23T16:55:00.002+08:00

Out of reach.

I cannot speak.

Too many walls, too many thoughts.

Break. Disappear.

Eyes

2011-10-17T23:22:00.003+08:00

He's looking for people who have said "I will give my all for him." He's looking for people who see only him.

The question is: Are you looking for him?

2011-10-16T20:07:00.003+08:00

Can't wait :)

Who am I to all these different individuals? Hmm.

Sometimes the search for truth distracts us from the things that are truly true.

The human condition

2011-10-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

Recurring themes in every sort of medium.

Who are we? What makes us human? What makes us different from the animals, because sometimes we act just like them don't we?

Cannibals disgust us, but don't we act.... Just like them in our different rights?

Honestly, that's why I really think only subjects like GP and Lit matter, because it makes human sense. But what they reveal... is a sad reality.

But I have that one hope, that one hope in Christ alone. In his steadfast love and faithfulness, in his mercies that are new every morning, in his everlasting providence.

You hem me in behind and before.

2011-10-03T22:04:00.002+08:00

You are my peace, and have always been.

My heart overflows with your goodness, and I sing to you songs of thanksgiving :)

It feels like a battle is finally over - an undercurrent of relief, but mostly, the exhaustion that sets in.

It has been a long journey, this exams.... this year.

I want my focus to be on you and you only.

Prodigal

2011-09-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell me, if you have understanding.

Job 38:4

2011-09-28T20:55:00.002+08:00

If you were really there what would you write on a postcard,

Or on the sand, near where the river runs into the sea?

Until the call of nightjars
Interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,

Into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.

2011-09-23T21:16:00.004+08:00

That in my secret heart,

No other love compares;

No rival throne survives

For I serve only you.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Consume me and captivate me wholly and completely.

Teach me to trust you. Teach me to surrender.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the will of the Lord that prevails.

On another note, I miss the kids... :)

2011-09-18T20:42:00.002+08:00

The shepherd's heart :)

It's quite an indescribable feeling, delighting in others' epiphanies. To have your own, that is something, but to know others'... ah, that is quite entirely another thing.

Every season and stage of life, I learn more about God my Father.

My life is His, and my life is Him.

This is his world, and he has ordained every single thing.

2011-09-08T00:04:00.001+08:00

Dreams. We all have dreams.

2011-09-06T22:52:00.003+08:00

All of us are in a war.

A war waged against life - seeking to control it, an innate desire to understand and hold the world, our world at least, in our palms.

Even if one does not believe in God, it is still clear that there is some sort of an external force that we are subject to in the unfolding of our lives. It is then this force we strive with our whole lives to control, only to find ourselves beaten at death.

We fight death by trying to grasp hold of life.

But to fight death is to fight ourselves, for death is a product of our sin, an inevitable part of our lives ironically. To live is also to die.

Can you understand that we can never triumph? So why should we fight? We fight from a point of defeat. It is altogether futile.

Yet, that is what almost everyone is doing.

It seems almost delusional to live. And it is, if there is no hope. What hope is there for one confined to an ending? But hope is in a new beginning. And there is hope, if there is something more after the physical death.

It is time to stop fighting for something utterly impracticable and unreachable. It is time to let go of everything you fight to control in your life, into the hands of not the unknown external force but into the hands of a God who has ordained every single event of life (including death).

To seek wisdom and understanding is to seek God, and that leaves us not "empowered" but our ability to "conquer" this external force through our understanding (for can you see that we would never be able to) but rather humbled at the vast expanse of a God who has measured out the entire cosmos with the span of his hand.

It is time for peace, for the war has been fought, and the victory won by Jesus Christ my Saviour and my Lord.

2011-09-03T23:01:00.003+08:00

It's so easy to forget.

But today, somehow, I felt a little part of their sadness - in loss and emptiness. Somehow, I felt a tiny fragment of what they must have been feeling.

How brave they have been.

It takes much strength, and much light to get through the present darkness.

But I know you will get through it my friend, with Christ your rock and strength, your ever present strength in time of need, your unwavering fortress.

2011-09-01T22:33:00.006+08:00

In the secret, in the quiet place;

In the stillness, You are there.

For every moment of fire and lightning and ground-breaking epiphanies comes many more moments of a quiet dwelling in his presence, a quiet awe and gentle love that comes upon us, or just a peace that fills and guards our heart. Moments of intimacy with my God, just abiding in his presence, abiding in his love.

A daily walk.

Filled with little epiphanies, by the merry stream, and through the quiet pasture.

The leaves are falling, falling as from way off,

As though far gardens withered in the skies;

They are falling with denying gestures.

And in the nights the heavy earth is falling

From all the stars down into loneliness.

We are falling. This hand falls.

And look at others: it is in them all.

And yet there is One who holds this falling

Endlessly gently in His hands.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If love were rain each of us would be loved as boundlessly as if each atom were an ocean in itself. If love were warmth each would be loved with the heat of a million suns."

2011-08-28T22:03:00.005+08:00

Today I find my peace and joy.

You are my peace, who has broken down every wall.

A restoration is taking place. In more ways than I could ever ask for or imagine.

Do you wonder why not everyone can identify with things going well, but everyone can identify with pain? Pain seems to be at the heart of the human condition. A starving child in Africa, a billionaire in America, a simple middle class person right here in Singapore, we all know pain.

What is pain?

The dictionary defines it as a physical suffering or distress, or a mental or emotional suffering or torment.

But it's so much more than that isn't it? Pain is profound, because pain cuts deep. It has power to play on who we are, and shapes who we will be. It can come in so many ways, in so many forms. Sometimes, an event triggers it, but sometimes, it comes without warning; a dull ache in your heart.

And the thing about pain, it's truthful. There's no deception in pain. It makes us come to terms with who we are. No matter how ugly or how beautiful, pain exposes us. Happiness can be falsified. Happiness can be superficial. But pain, real pain, try as we might, we can't disguise it, we can't hide it. Not to ourselves, anyway. Pain goes deep, deep down.

It's real, it's sharp. It cuts, it hurts.

And God sees pain.

God knows pain.

God speaks through pain.

God heals pain.

Knowing that doesn't make the things around you suddenly become perfect. Knowing that is not a formula to a fairytale dream life. Knowing that doesn't entail a ticket that allows you to bypass pain, suffering, and grief. As established before, these make up the human condition - the human experience.

But knowing that gives you a revelation of the reason behind the pain. Knowing that gives you the comfort of knowing one who is above all pain. Knowing that gives you a hope, and the faith to carry on and

To trust.

Different people have different ways of dealing with pain. Some retreat into solitude. Some avoid it completely and prefer to put on a façade of happiness, finally letting it fade from memory, only to be reminded of it one day and feeling a fresh stab of pain. Some try to confront it and end up mired in it, unable to break free from it. Some deal with it by causing pain to others - broken glass that cuts others.

You might disagree. Haven't there been success stories? People who have gotten over their pain? Come to terms with it, and dealt with it?

Alright, have YOU successfully dealt with your pain? Really?

Let me suggest this, that most of us choose the second option. Avoidance. We think we have finally come to terms with it. But y'know, it's just a scab. Over time it gets harder and harder, and perhaps finally melds into a scar. But that doesn't mean it's not there.

Let me suggest that humanly, we are completely unable and unequipped to deal with pain completely and thoroughly. Let me suggest that that is just humanly IMpossible.

But yet there are some. There are some, who experience pain, and come out stronger than ever. Not hardened mind you, but stronger. These people are people greatly humbled. These are people who have chosen to let go. Not let go of it into emptiness or some unknown external force, but let go of it to the one true living God - The God who knows pain so deeply, and the God who has overcome pain. The God who promises that one day he will wipe every tear and take away every sorrow. The God who we can know, and the God who already knows us so intimately, knowing us even before he made the foundations of the earth.

These people know they can't deal with pain themselves, and so they let God deal with it for them. Sure, it hurts. It goes deep down. But just as plucking out a deeply embedded thorn, so likewise and even more so, reaching down deep into your heart, into your soul.

It's a scary process. But I think the key word here is that it is a process. If I may, let me make a bold claim here. Let me overturn a statement that we have all come to believe and find comfort in:

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Time cannot erase anything. It can perhaps bury it in the dusty corners of our memories, but it can never erase anything.

Time does not heal,

God heals.

So friends, will you let God heal you?

I want to tell you that I am no longer subject to "Life" and it being "like that". But I live a life that is Christ. My life IS Christ. And the only thing it's gonna be like, is "like Christ".

I still struggle with pain. I still struggle with being unable to let go. Sometimes I think that yes I can, I can do this and come out of it all okay and successful, but that self pep-talk goes down the drain once something happens again.

The thing is, no I can't. I can't do this. I can't even do it WITH Christ.

Because only Christ can do it. And I can only do it BY Christ.

This means no more of myself, and ALL of Christ. His fullness, and His power that works in me. The fullness of God revealed in Jesus Christ, and the same power that raised Christ from the dead.

This is in me because of Christ who is my life, and he continually works in me, to heal and to sanctify me.

So friends, will you journey with me? :)

2011-08-24T23:26:00.001+08:00

And it's rising up all around

It's the anthem of the Lord's renown

2011-08-18T22:07:00.002+08:00

Love take over,

Love pour out.

This dry and thirsty land,

Cries out.

Cries out from the very writhing of our souls,

The groaning from within.

Lord hear us,

Lord save us.

2011-08-14T20:05:00.001+08:00

Truth

2011-07-19T21:08:00.002+08:00

It kills me that little bit inside every time.

Distance. Will be inevitable soon

2011-07-08T17:35:00.001+08:00

Time: my familiar nemesis.

2011-07-05T21:38:00.002+08:00

I believe God gives us gifts. The nature of gifts is that they are given. I believe we tend to forget that fact too often.

I must confess, that in the midst of exams and every other thing that I had to do, I lost sight of that.

In doing well, in studying so hard, what do we actually pursue? The worldly things like grades, money, status?

Vanity of vanities.

When we lose sight of the God element in everything, everything else is but an endless and futile chasing after the wind.

Trust the giver to bring his gifts to perfection, for they are HIS gifts.

2011-06-25T23:29:00.002+08:00

Oh the endless possibilities.

Sometimes we can't help but wish we were somewhere else, doing something else, being someone else.

Else.

But here is where He is placed me. This is what I have. Me is who I am.

Now is what I live in.

In His perfect timing,

For it is Him who works in me to will and work for His purpose

2011-06-06T23:27:00.001+08:00

Gasping for breath

2011-06-05T19:50:00.002+08:00

The things inside that are left, and will remain, unsaid.

For I am never brave enough.

But we move along nevertheless

Because real life has too many things to be dealt with, too many problems in too many lives.

What have we done to ourselves?

What courage will it take to stand up against the entire tide of the world and finally say,

"NO."

Where is the line that says enough?

2011-05-27T00:04:00.002+08:00

I can't believe You love me.

You, who sits upon the throne.

You love me

Beauty

2011-05-17T22:20:00.002+08:00

Words that speak about You,

Jesus you make them beautiful.

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour

Jesus, Jesus,

Sweetest name of all,

Hangs upon my lips,

Like a

Breath

Contented

2011-05-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

We fought hard, and played a beautiful game. That's what matters.

And I know that Lord, it has always been and always will be in your hands. No matter what the outcome, I give thanks.

Assured

2011-05-08T21:24:00.001+08:00

And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Dreams

2011-04-17T22:31:00.002+08:00

I looked up today and saw the blinking lights of an aeroplane and thought how nice it was to be on one, right now, and be heading to a whole new country and look around in awe at my new surroundings while breathing in a different country's air, in a totally new time zone, among a totally different people, and experiencing a totally new way of life,

WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD.

How I long, long for You,

Long to worship You forever

Magnitude

2011-04-10T20:15:00.003+08:00

If love were rain each would be loved as boundlessly as if each atom were an ocean in itself.

If love were warmth each would be loved with the heat of a million suns.

Epiphany

2011-04-04T23:25:00.001+08:00

One heart at a time.

Breathless

2011-03-27T22:29:00.004+08:00

It's like a bullet train you constantly run after,

Yet can never catch.

And you can't even stop.

You reach out, and try to grasp it,

Yet it evades you time and time

And time

Again.

And at the end of it you're left feeling

Rather mystified because

What are you left with now?

But it's not the end yet,

And so for now you're just left

Feeling

Breathless.

The emptiness aches

And eats away.

2011-03-10T20:51:00.001+08:00

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

Matt 16:26

In the end, what really matters?

Suddenly, I feel like I really really miss the China, and the whole team.

I wish I could be back there again.

2011-03-03T18:03:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it's precisely the many people that makes you feel so, alone.

Where you can feel so in a whole, yet nevertheless, a solitary lone.

This is why I never liked big groups that much.

2011-03-02T21:27:00.000+08:00

Blessed blessed blessed.

No matter how I feel, I still know this:

I am blessed.

2011-02-24T22:14:00.002+08:00

What is freedom? What is personal autonomy?

These things we value, we fight for. But what exactly is it?

I hear of the women of the past, those who wanted to be different, who sought their own freedom, who took hold of personal autonomy despite all society's objections.

But their lives, with it's wild, passionate trysts, with things that would appall, supposedly being led to the full. But is that fullness? Is that fulfillment? Really?

What do we fight for? We desire personal autonomy, yet what does that bring?

If my life were to be taken into my own hands, I'm pretty sure it'd be in shambles by now.

Freedom is walking in the light. Freedom is found in righteousness.

Taking full control of myself that I might walk the best path for myself, is simply, letting You.

I challenge the concept of personal autonomy.

We all want our lives, yet no one wants to be alone.

We think we're all in control, giving ourselves the freedom we deserve;

Yet all we're doing is simply falling into the darkness,

Falling into sin, into something that entangles, and grips so strongly.

Submission and trust. We don't teach that nowadays do we.

What is fullness to you?

2011-02-20T22:57:00.003+08:00

I don't even know how to broach the topic.

But perhaps this is the season for this?

2 weeks pass by much too fast. And when the end comes I always realise that I've not done anything again.

And things are just, left, as they were.

What will it take for change?

On another note, I am so excited for shop tmr :) Greater things are yet to come! I'm very excited to see what God will do in this school, and how we're gonna be a part of it!

2011-02-18T21:14:00.002+08:00

I have the most hilarious class ever.

There was K and his hydrilla eating yesterday, and M and ZJ's argument about seizures and periods, which ended in ZJ supposedly having a seizure due to his first period.

Very epic indeed.

Blessings :) You are truly the Provider of ALL my needs

2011-02-14T22:22:00.002+08:00

I'm just glad we're all back. I'm really glad to have you guys around.

Just wanna say that, I missed you guys. Haha

There are so many people I've left behind in this journey.

It's heartbreaking.

I really miss so many of you.

2011-02-11T22:46:00.005+08:00

I wonder where this year will take me. Lord lead me.

My hope is in who You ARE. Despite all the odds, that's the one thing that stays constant.

And I don't believe you'll be able to completely leave.

But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

Lamentations 3:21-24

A declaration, a prayer, a plea.

The LORD is my portion.

2011-02-02T21:52:00.005+08:00

First 4 official days in RJ.

Orientation was really. Really. Tiring. I'm kinda glad it's over, but I do miss my OG la :)

I can't wait to settle into the proper swing of things. But at the same time, I can't keep looking at the future and forget the present.

Why am I always so tired whyyyyyy :(

I kinda miss RG. Ha.

Through it all, You are sovereign and supreme. For that I thank You.

2011-01-22T22:54:00.008+08:00

I wonder if God looks at me in that way too. With that same hope and desire.

Perhaps this is compassion? :)

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;

he will gather the lambs in his arms;

he will carry them in his bosom,

and lead those that are with young.

Isaiah 40:11

¹²Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand
and marked off the heavens with a span,
enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure
and weighed the mountains in scales
and the hills in a balance?
¹³Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD,
or what man shows him his counsel?
¹⁴Whom did he consult,
and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
and taught him knowledge,
and showed him the way of understanding?
¹⁵Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,
and are accounted as the dust on the scales;
behold, he takes up the coastlands like fine dust.

Isaiah 40:12-15

Indeed LORD, who else but You?

2011-01-12T16:19:00.002+08:00

Perhaps life is meant to be lived, much more than be thought about;

Perhaps people are meant to be loved, much more than be figured out.

Because after all, life is but vanity of vanities!

But yet life exists. Yet life thrives, and plods, on.

And so, we live :)

2011-01-08T23:34:00.003+08:00

Even through the many changes this year, new adjustments, new people, new environment, whole new ball game, these still remain:

1. God is still God

2. God is still good

3. I am still His

2011 is really going to be a year full of surprises, challenges, roller coasters.

Nevertheless,

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,

I will soar with You above the storm.

Father You are king over the flood;

I will be still

And know You are God.

2011-01-03T02:05:00.003+08:00

It's two days late, but Happy New Year :)

2010 has come and gone. Glad as I was to leave Sec 4 behind, I really didn't want to move on into 2011. Missions was one of the best things in my whole holidays. Thank you China team. I feel so blessed to have been among you guys.

I am blessed, truly I am.

And I am glad that things have rumbled to a start again. Vision Night today, and the journey back home. It was a journey like always, yet today's was with breakthroughs aplenty, through small, little things.

I'm glad to be back, or at least on my way back.

Peace.

It's funny how peace and dependence are interlinked, yet one is from God and one is from us. It's that mystery again, where God starts and we end.

To live ever only for You, my King.

What is life? What do all these matter?

I want to love, I want to trust.

With God, I will love, I will trust.

In the light of You, everything fades dim.

It's like a breath of fresh air that has caused me to get back up on my two feet again.

Ready to face the challenges of the year,

but only with You by my side.

2010-12-16T18:46:00.002+08:00

Heading to the airport in 35hours and 12minutes! Ah, excited!!

To China! I can't wait.

Hmmm. At the same time I feel out of touch with my school friends. Yuenz we gotta go out soon man. Burger shack?? :)

2010-12-10T22:37:00.002+08:00

Suddenly responsibility seems a little daunting. Remaining in my old comfort zone seems like a terrific idea now.

All I need is You.

Can I truly mean what I say? That You are ALL that I need.

In full totality.

2010-12-06T23:29:00.002+08:00

When truth becomes paradoxical,

Do we still trust in the One who is truth?

Do we cling on to the One in whose hands is all truth, all righteousness, all reason?

When the music fades, and all is stripped away;

Will I simply come?

In spite of all odds.

But in the light of You, of You who is God, in light of Your majestic glory and awesomeness, there can only be silence.

Because everything else ceases, and everything else fades away in who You are.

So I will be still and know that You are God.

2010-12-04T23:22:00.002+08:00

Reading the youths' updates about cebu and the photos and pictures really make me want to me there!! Sigh, I really miss that place. Really excited about MY mission trip.

Caron I totally know how you feel now man. The sending them off but "WHY AM I NOT GOING WITH THEM" feeling hahaha

2010-12-03T00:07:00.002+08:00

Behind each face, a life;

Within each life, a soul, a story.

Who are these people that pass me on the train, on the streets every single day?

Who are they?

2010-11-22T14:11:00.003+08:00

Why do we say life is short when it's the longest thing we'll ever have?

Well maybe because it isn't, and eternity is the longest thing we have.

Because my friends, eternity never ends.

2010-11-11T10:59:00.003+08:00

FARE THEE WELL, CHINESE.

Most Chinese I have ever done in my life. I am impressed with the number of papers I actually did, albeit some left half done. :D But it's still counted.

Finally the alert as Mr Chew would put it has gone down to green. I hate to say this, but I actually sorta miss the studying. It's become a very natural part of me, heading to church/wherever and studying.

What a nerd 8-)

But I don't miss it enough to do it again :)

(Note: It's SUCH a relief to be out of the system. BOOK ME.)

2010-11-07T23:04:00.002+08:00

Perhaps it's high time graduation gets the post it warrants.

So yes, as of 4 November 2010, I officially graduated from Raffles Girls' School.

Well. The day I'd been waiting for eh? But yes, though it's a great relief to be out of the system, with my graduation cert in hand, RGS still remains a place of bittersweet memories.

I guess it really sorta hit me when I was reading Mrs Wee's and Ms Picca's note to the class in the grad booklet.
"(Remember) the 7th Lunar month story, where we suddenly screamed?"

Haha 'twas an epic day indeed.

There's no doubt about how much I've grown, from the day I stepped past those looming gates, a greenhorn in every way, till the day when I finally left, past those same gates. It's been a long journey. Sec 1 and 2 seems really far away.

But truly I am grateful. I am grateful to have received the best secondary education that Singapore has to offer. I am grateful for how it has sharpened my intellect, and grown me into who I am today.

These were milestone years in my life. Coming to truly know God, and trusting in Him to lead me all the way, that was in these years too.

Softball which was one a humongous part of my life.

For all the heartbreak, and the joy. For all the learning, for all the growing.

There are so many things that I'd never forget.

I will never forget. How can I forget? So many memories shared, with ccube, with all the softballers, with my classmates through the years, with 308 and 408.

And of course the best teachers in the world. Most of which non-conformist and ever so politically incorrect ;)

How could I also forget fighting the system? Haha. I'm glad that is over though.

Dear 408,

Thank you for being one the biggest blessings in my life. Thank you for every class time. Lessons with you were always epic. Thank you for all the joy that you've brought me, every quirky thing that we did together. Thank you for being the RGS that I would remember with all fondness and smiles.

Thank you for being family.

I will really. Really miss you guys. School's just not the same without y'all.

Love, Jocelyn

Dear Softballers,

It has been a long journey. Though where we ended wasn't exactly the most ideal of cases, I still remember who we were. Thank you for being so close to my heart, and I thank you, even for the pain and heartbreak. You also taught me to let go, and I would be empty without you.

Thank you also for all the laughter, the diamond drills, sprints, SRCs, and the many things in between. Even for the lunches at fareast, and chippys/old chang kee/bubble tea after training. It's been long. Far too long.

These will never cease to be a part of me, and for the 3 and a half years, thank you.

Love, 16

And as always,

Filiae Melioris Aevi

2010-11-05T21:33:00.004+08:00

I can feel it surge.

I have not found time to sit and grapple. Grapple with the many things flooding in at once.

But I can feel it rising.

Sooner or later, maybe.

Perhaps it's good for me to let it out once in awhile.

Like a wave that comes crashing down. Crashing upon the shores of my consciousness.

Crashes, and sweeps over me, engulfs me.

2010-11-02T23:18:00.002+08:00

Cebu meeting today makes me miss cebu so much. It's almost as if I am there again.

The images are still so fresh in my mind. The whole layout of the base, even my morning QT, closing my eyes and opening them again to find that I missed the sunrise and the sky was already well lit. I remember Bible study, and eating gummies and loacker and biscuits. And meal times, balut day, practising performances, the day in church, the day at the school, THE DAY AT THE MALL. Washing clothes, performances, testimony sharing, the kids.....

Yeah the list could go on and on. Ah, good times, good times.

This year will be a whole new ball game though, in China. Exciting :D

I wonder what will the Lord teach me this year, what plans He has in store for me.

2010-10-31T18:32:00.001+08:00

Now that options are over, I realise I actually should start going for RI training. That life seems too.... far away, too surreal.

Obligations. Pah.

2010-10-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

'cause I know You're my Saviour, and that's more than enough for me.

2010-10-26T16:03:00.003+08:00

I don't like my new braces colour :( Ohwell, 6 weeks! Hahaha. Till China, then it shall be RED for the motherland ;D

I realised today, it's true, everyone's looking for hope. There are many who like songs that carry the message of hope and faith, of being able to cling onto something.

But hope in what? Hope in whom?

The world?

Yourself?

2010-10-22T18:59:00.002+08:00

Today I sat in the cupboard behind the whiteboard for a good half an hour or more.

It was dark because the class closed us in there there I was with my little cupboard space, in a slightly cramped but comfortable position, knees at 45 degrees and walls that enclosed me.

We sang and had a jolly good laughter session.

Azura tried to get us out to no avail because the class jammed the board so we couldn't push it away. Yuen needed to pee and was slightly claustrophobic. Grace was well, sitting there singing with me.

We were separated by the cupboard partitions, so we couldn't have any physical contact with each other.

Darkness, my space, and voices. :)

I liked it :)

2010-10-21T21:44:00.002+08:00

"may came home with a smooth round stone,

as small as a world and as large as alone"

-E. E Cummings

"To see a world in a grain of sand"

-William Blake

I finally understand what they mean. Had a little epiphany during Poetry and Song options today. And I do see how large a dimension music gives to a written piece. To hear "maggie, milly, molly and may" sung by Natalie Merchant was a totally different experience from reading it. It's her interpretation of the poem, and thus her performance, which was slightly haunting, but nevertheless, rather beautiful.

I miss doing lit, and doing Blake and Wordsworth. The former tops my chart of the best poets of all time. I remember doing London, and Tiger, and many others. My annotated poems are still in a dusty box under my bed. Perhaps I should read them again soon :)

2010-10-20T20:37:00.001+08:00

To Praise You,

for that's what I'm made for.

2010-10-20T18:11:00.002+08:00

This is too depressing. I really want to graduate and be done with the system.

It's gonna affect a lot of things I bet. Argh.

2010-10-15T22:10:00.002+08:00

So there it goes, after four long years. It was never something I'd expected. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Perhaps this is where I come to realise that every little thing counts. I missed by 1. But that came from an accumulation of many ones.

But y'know, it's not like they owed it to me. Perhaps it was this complacency, this assumptive attitude.

And I am humbled.

I won't fight the system, now's not the time. It's been too long of fighting the system, and finally where in year 4 I decide to give it a rest, the damage had already been done.

But in all things, I know that You are sovereign, and I know that this is Your best for me. Though I can't really see it now, I'm sure that I will, in time, for You do all things for the good of those who love You.

May I also learn to see each trial as pure joy, for through them You have taught me, and let not this be the goal, but in everything, may You be the everlasting goal.

2010-10-14T21:56:00.004+08:00

¹⁶Rejoice always

¹⁷pray without ceasing,

¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

How do I teach a child who is simply unwilling to learn?

2010-10-12T21:15:00.003+08:00

It's sad, because it takes a death to make us realise.

On another note. I've been noticing the apple wave in the MRT among commuters. It's pretty scary. Surrounded by a crowd of people tapping away on their phones, 4 out of 5 will be iphones/itouches. And among those listening to music, 3 out of 5 will be using apple earphones. Which means.... More Iphones/Ipods/Itouches.

Talk about world domination man. Apple's got it right in them. Hahaha

2010-10-02T22:48:00.001+08:00

Love is tough, my friends.

2010-09-29T20:35:00.002+08:00

Even though I don't really understand, I will still trust in the God I know You to be. Yet will You also enlarge my perspective, because You are larger than who I know You to be.

You cannot be put into a box, that's for sure.

So would You help me to see.

For lessons learnt in how to thirst for You

2010-09-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

People are looking. Our every thought, every word, every action. How we react and respond, what consumes our thoughts, our conversations. They observe, and they can see.

It's become so real to me today. This gospel according to me.

Perhaps this is also part of what it means to carry my cross. A person carrying a cross on the street, it's an unmistakable sight. And I will carry mine with the utmost joy!

I've also come to realise what a difference it makes, when you take time out to share your faith, to share the gospel, to reach out. Not just in the sense that we know and understand, but also on the other side. People do appreciate it.

When our lives are centered around God, it is obvious. It might be a subconscious thing, but it is obvious to the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden, neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.

Everywhere, people are looking for answers.

And only Jesus promises to be the way, the truth, and the life. He does not just provide them, He IS them.

2010-09-19T22:29:00.001+08:00

Hosanna

What will Jesus say if He visited His temple today? Both the church, and us the individual temples of God.

Will He say the same thing, that the house of prayer has become a den of robbers? And when we see Him will we like the children cry out Hosanna! Or like the pharisees ask for them to be silent? Have we truly met Jesus today? Have we invited Him to step into the thresholds of our temples, and pray that He might stay forever?

Don't pass me by, Lord.

2010-09-17T21:17:00.001+08:00

Mouth full of metal

2010-09-15T20:58:00.001+08:00

Feels good to be back.
Here in Your arms, this is where I belong.

2010-09-15T15:41:00.001+08:00

It's over!

But things still feel the same. Ha. This whole affair of lasts honestly has not hit me.

2010-09-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

2 MORE DAYS. I CAN HARDLY SIT STILL ANYMORE

2010-09-08T23:42:00.002+08:00

Wow this is amazing. I visited wan ting's blog and saw the list of things to study. And I'm like almost done with everything. There's only Bio GMO and Lit left. Plus need to reinforce electrochem stuff.

Woohooooooo~ Just when I thought, Aiya this sucks I'm not gonna finish.

Maybe I shall take a well-deserved break tomorrow. HAHA

2010-09-05T21:43:00.003+08:00

Just like the Israelites of old,

like Abraham, David, Paul, Luther, Calvin, Elliot,

like Jesus Himself,

I'm on my way home.

They've reached, but my journey has only just begun.

I realised that I am still a very young Christian. There is so much more I have yet to experience, so much in His will that has yet to unfold.

I'm excited.

2010-09-03T20:36:00.001+08:00

Paradox;

Only made possible by the Spirit. Foolishness to man, but wisdom in God.

2010-09-01T20:48:00.002+08:00

It feels like the holidays already. Can't believe there's chinese tomorrow.

Marina Bayfront offers a splendid view. Singapore is quite beautiful.

Reminds me of Sydney harbour. I kinda miss Australia. I miss the Sydney-Brisbane road trip, and the caravan in Canada the most.

Mmm.